only if we run a train.
done.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
