Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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