I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
