i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
