I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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