john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
