I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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