I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
