Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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