we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
