im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
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