He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
