What a fucking waste of an outfit
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
