Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
