Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
