Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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