You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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