I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You made out with two different species that night
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
