You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
