OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
