I'm going to jail i love you
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
