I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
