if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
The adults are the big ones right?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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