I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
