put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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