so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
