no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Let's paint friendship bongs
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
