I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
