Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
