stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just want to make out with him forever
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
