We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
