i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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