Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
