So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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