final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
