I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
