this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
