I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
