Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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