I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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