My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
it's like heaven, but drunker
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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