im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
The beer is more important than you right now.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
