My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
