Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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