Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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