I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
