I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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