If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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