I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
