did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
